Being Illogical
by alwaysbeendamon
Summary: What did Kirk really want to say to Spock when he was lying on his death bed? One-shot for now.


_**Hey guys! So this is a one-shot request that I received. I may right more but it's a one-shot for now! Review and tell me what you think. **_

"Mr. Spock," Scotty's voice said ringing loud and clear over the teleprompter. "You better get down here. Better Hurry." For the first time in his life, Spock didn't even take time to think. All he knew was that James T. Kirk was not seated next to him, and that meant something was wrong. Pushing effortlessly out of his chair Spock breezed past Uhora nearly knocking her over, not even looking back to see if he did. There was only one thing he cared about right now, the one thing he always cared about-the Captain. Racing through the corridors Spock's heart beat grew faster and faster-more from the anxiety he was about to face then the thorough workout he was getting. Spock stopped breathlessly in front of Scotty, but froze as he saw the pain etched into his face. Scotty just stared at him for what felt like hours-but Spock knew that couldn't be right. It's impossible for a human eye to go more then 9.3 minutes without blinking. Finally Scotty slowely shook his head and indicated to a large glass door behind him. Spock quickly closed the ratio between him and the glass and looked down. "Open it," Spock said immediatly looking back to Scotty. "The decontamination process is not complete, you'd flood the whole compartment. The doors locked sir." Spock dropped to his knees in front of the door staring down at the man he called Captain. Kirk's eyes were closed, and he slowly brought up his hand to close the door leaking the radiation into the room. Spock didn't know if his Captain could talk, or if he was going to die there peacfully without letting another word escape his perfect lips. Suddenly Kirk's eyes sprung open, and Spock was immediatly filled with...something. He didn't know this feeling, it was not something he had allowed himself to feel before. Kirk's eyes locked on his, "How's our ship," he got out, immediatly panting as the last word left his mouth. "Out of danger," Spock said, "you saved the crew." Spock watched through the glass as Kirk allowed himself a small smile, "You used what he wanted against him," he said referring to Kahn's torpedos, "nice move." Spock could not help but feel proud, the captain-_his _captain was proud of him. But it didn't make sense-what he did. He was being completly illogical, using hope as fuel instead of logic. Using hope **is **illogical, it does nothing-but make one feel better about one's self-it accomplishes nothing. That's what Spock was brought up to believe, but now he was questioning everything he once knew. "It was what you would have done," Spock said looking into Kirk's eyes. "And this," Kirk said looking around, "This is what you would have done. It's only logical." Spock grimaced, for the first time in his life logic was not making any sense. There was no logical explanation for the feelings he was having for this man right now, Spock racked his brain cells searching every single inch of his mind-but there was nothing. No logical description for what he felt for Captain James T. Kirk. Suddenly Kirk looked up, "I'm scared Spock," he said letting the words tumble out of his mouth vulnerably. Kirk didn't even try to mask the desperate fear on his face, or the tears slowly welding up in the bottom of his bloodshot eyes. "Help me not be." This was nothing research could solve, this was nothing Spock could thing of, there was absolutely nothing that could be done. For the first time in his life-Spock felt helpless. "How do you choose not to feel?" Kirk said looking through the glass his gaze desperatly resting on Spock's eyes. "I do not know," Spock said answering immediatly, for he had already thought through any other truth he could tell him. "Right now...I am feeling." And it does not feel good, Spock wanted to add-but he couldn't, Spock had to stay strong. "Do you know why...I couldn't let you die?" Kirk asked, his voice growing raspy and weak, "Why I went back for you?" Spock opted for the most logical option, "Because you are my friend." Kirk slowly looked deep into his eyes and brought his hand up, placing it on the glass that seperated them. Using all of his might, Kirk slowly spread apart his fingers into what many people knew as the Vulcan sign of peace. Spock mimicked Kirk's movements, placing his hand on the door directly where his Captain's lay on the other side. "No...Spock," Kirk chocked out. "For once...be illogical, don't think-just feel." "Because I love you," Spock replied immediately, refusing to think, "because you love me." Kirk smiled and pressed his forehead against the glass taking a sharp intake of breath. Spock placed his forhead over Kirk's, his heart beating widly. He closed his eyes. Breathing slowly, Spock opened them to see Kirk's head slowly slipping down the glass, his hand along with it. Spock removed his head from the glass, leaving only his hand where his Captain's once was. In that moment, Spock thought only like a Vulcan could-Kirk was dead. There were no buts or ifs about it. Kirk was still as his eyes stared straight at Spock, but Spock knew he saw nothing. The overwhelming grief consumed him, he could not think straight-could not even touch Kirk's body. Leaving his hand on the door with his two fingers spread apart he quietly whispered, "Live long...and prosper, my love."


End file.
